It's All About You !

It's All About You !
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Sunday, 25 November 2012

A Face Lift For Wendy's World

I thought it was about time i gave this place a bit of a spruce up, lord knows its been a while.
Im quite pleased with how it looks right now, it makes a change from the girly girl approach, it certainly looks and feels more grown up (must be a maturing thing ) or maybe its just how i feel at the time lol.

Anyway, i hope you like it and can read and see everything clearly, any problems let me know and il do my best to accomidate you.
Im debating whether to change the header picture to match our grown up look, i think il put it on my agenda for when time allows, until then, see you in the mail.

Stay safe and happy xxx

Wednesday, 21 November 2012

Time to reflect and take stock

I have been taking stock a lot lately about how lost and empty i have become.

At this time of year i get to thinking about my son, my girls, my family and my life, and it finally dawned on me the other day that it will be three years this January since we said goodbye to my son mark , 3 years already, wow.

Then i get a second kick in the gut when i realised how much time has been wasted, how much of ourselves we have lost to grief, anger, weakness and pain and how much less we are than the people we were before.

Dont get me wrong, this blog post is not about self pity, its simply a wake up call and my expression of it.

Grief or loss wakes you up to things you took for granted before, it helps you see so much clearer what is important in life and how trivial the small issues really are.

My youngest daughter and i were having a heart to heart the other day about a period of time where our friends and loved ones felt it was a safe time to tell us (individually and at seperate times ) just how different we'd become and not in a good way, like wed lost our personalities and the love for life ect.

Well in hindsight its fair to say they were right in a way, only we didnt see it as a bad thing, how could they possibly understand the emptiness we were feeling or the way we had learned to blow off the trivial things that to be fair were still part of their everyday life.

When you are affected by loss or grief, its almost as if you've been touched, sectioned out from everyone else who has never been through it.
You put up barriers and become very self contained, your main concern is your loved ones and making sure they are ok and coping despite any little dramas going on around you.
It kind of becomes a non intentional selfish barrier, although saying that, it certainly doesnt stop you from being aware of others problems and troubles, but deciphering whats genuine and whats trvial becomes second nature in deciding whether to act or get involved.

The tole something like this has on families and indeed individuals is very different for everyone, but for us, we became lost sheep and for the most part were still wandering.

 My eldest daughter, her life has been put on hold, she cant seem to move forward, shes so engulfed in the pain and anger and loss thats shes just stuck,luckily she has good friends who support her.
She has a job interview on friday so fingers crossed that's the start of her moving forward with her life :).

My youngest daughter has been very lucky in the respect that she has outside interests to keep her going, she goes to Uni and works Three nights a week, has a good man who loves her and a great circle of friends to support her.
That said, i still worry about her as shes so deep and they will both keep things from me rather than upset me with it, sad but true, they love me so much.

My husband has basically shut himself off in his own world, hes kept his fishing hobby which gives him a break and a chance to be with old friends and he enjoys a drink with our friends on a saturday but the lads keep pretty much to themselves.

Hes lost his love for D.I.Y, he loved to be busy, making things either in the home or for the garden but thats long gone, he actually gets annoyed when hes asked to do something like decorating ect and weve both become pretty laid back about both the house and garden which is so unlike us.

Me, well i just feel like ive had the stuffing knocked out of me, i find it so hard to stay focussed these days, i get confused easily and suffer from anxiety when trying something new or going out anywhere.
Ive had back issues for yrs but because of my lack of exercise or getting out my weight has ballooned and so the back problems have worsened, making everyday house hold chores a painful effort for me.
My husband does all the main heavy chores bless him.

So how does one try to pick up the pieces after something like this ?
One step at a time, literally.

I will address my own issues and try to involve the rest of the family in it, hoping to encourage them to want to try the same or similar efforts to get back into the land of the living with me.
Naturally they will do their own thing in their own time but hopefully if i set some goals for myself they will be supportive and join me.

For me its about going back to basics,
Getting back into some routine at home would be a big help, 
a cleaning schedule and organization are top priority.
Then we need to address a healthy eating plan, its hard on a tight budget but if we pull together for meal ideas we should pull it off.
Then getting out of this house more often, short walks, visiting friends and family would not only help with my weight but will stop me from feeling hemmed in a lot of the time.
A gentle or fun exercise regime is a must, must try to rope friends and family in on it for support as i get bored easily.
Building up my confidence and setting myself small challenges should help with anxiety and help my memory or to stay more foccussed.
Still look for work and encourage my hubby to do the same as it can get a bit soul destroying after a while with no luck.
Keep my website and this blog updated with more personal posts and achievements to help me to succeed and challenge myself more.

If you have experienced anything similar and have managed to come out the other end and rebuild your lives, id love to hear about it.
Thanks for reading xxx

Feeling a little Humbled right now

My youngest daughters fella and i were having a conversation tonight about weird dreams ect that ultimately led to conversations about Seances and Ouija boards and then to my experiences with Spirit and such. 

 Talking about my many different experiences with spirit and the paranormal has humbled me no end and made me remember just how privileged i have been to be honored with such trust and insight, even though its been a roller coaster of emotions for both myself and the people involved. 

I have seen and experienced some wonderful things, i have earned the trust and devotion of many people who have asked for my help in the past, although not every experience has been a good one and may have given the most hardened skeptic nightmares. These experiences have taught me, honor, respect, honesty, self control, and a lot of different ways to view the world both as a believer and a skeptic.

 I realised tonight just how much i miss being involved, but spirit is the teacher, it knows when one is too weak or lacks the strength to carry on in a meaningful and non harmful manner and will almost certainly shut you down to help you heal if neccessary. 

I have not lost my gifts, however i have lost my confidence which keeps me from jumping back in with feet first but im glad as i know im not strong enough to be as involved as i once was right now. 

Its funny how much we take for granted even in situations like mine, i remember writing my answer to a post i put on here yesterday about whether it might be possible to sense death before it happens. I wrote my answer so matter of factly and without issue that when i read it back to myself it made me take stock.

 How does someone say they can sense terminal illness and know how long they have left to live without flackering, like its nothing ?
 Its Megga, its not normal, its horrible and yet i can do that and have done on several occasions.
 It must have sounded so callous and unforgiving, but trust me its not.

 Im emphatic, which means i feel their pain, anxiety, the tole the illness has took apon that body and ultimately how they feel about themselves at that time.
 I can read the pain on someones face, or see the lost soul behind the eyes, struggling and hanging on even though some just wish to go to sleep and not wake up to end the suffering both for themselves and their families.
 So no, its not something i take lightly and i have no idea why i have been left with it only to say, for those i have told it has been a blessing to the families, its helped prepare them and it gives them real insight into whats truely going on with that person.

 I hope this helps explain a little about what being sensitive involves and how it effects me as an individual as we are all very different when it comes to this kind of thing. 
 Thanks for reading xxx

Sunday, 4 November 2012

Thinking of you Son

Well weve had halloween, one of your favourite times of the year and today is bon fire night which we know you loved dearly. We often giggle about you riding around on the rockets in the sky and just playing havock and having a ball. This time of year is so hard, all these wonderful occasions that you loved dearly remind us of happy times with you, but that can make us miss you even more. Your sisters are still struggling with christmas, they said if it wasnt for your memory they just wouldnt do christmas any more, how sad is that? I on the other hand have lost my bah humbug attitude of stressing and worrying about christmas, now i look forward to putting up as many decorations i can and trying to improve on it every year, simply because i know you can still see them and i know you would love it. Any way, il send you another message soon on your face book as youl be in our thoughts daily, in the mean time , take care and remember we love you Mark xxx